


Wherever I'm With You

by thehorrorinsymmetry



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Baby Shara, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, post-war fic, trans Finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 16:26:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13721550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehorrorinsymmetry/pseuds/thehorrorinsymmetry
Summary: After the war Poe is on a mission to move some refugees to their new home. It gives him a lot of time to think.





	Wherever I'm With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [popotami](https://archiveofourown.org/users/popotami/gifts).



> bryce drew the best sw fanart of all time [here](http://sewerapple.tumblr.com/post/169898896453/okay-so-me-and-heroicfinn-were-talking-and-one) and i obviously had to write it for him so this happened

“What’s our ETA?”

BB-8 beeps, rolling in a tight circle beside his chair.

“I didn’t ask how long it’s been since the last time I asked -“

BB-8 beeps again, a discordant tone.

He huffs. “It felt like longer.”

BB-8 tilts their head.

“Kriff, bee.” He snaps. “Go check on the passengers.”

BB-8 rolls away, beeping something to themselves that Poe is all too happy to ignore.

He runs a hand through his hair, over his face. The same vast, black expanse greets him when he opens his eyes again, an endless sea of empty space that matches too well with the ache in his chest.

Seven hours to go.

The lights in the control panel glare at him, specks of green and orange and white that tell him the ship is running smoothly. Tapping his fingertips against the armrests, he lasts about three seconds before pulling the side pocket on his pants open and grabbing the cool steel of a holo.

The image flickers on and shows Poe in shades of blue, holding Shara when she was only a few days old, already the most beautiful creature to ever exist. He swallows, an ache deep in his throat. 

She’s incredible. A spitting image of her father, no matter how many times Finn insists she takes after him.

He shuts the holo off, placing it on the dash and pulling another from his pocket. In an instant he sees Finn and a two month old Shara smiling at each other, the same smile on both their faces. 

He remembers taking this picture like it was yesterday. There had been a rain storm crawling through the sky, lazy as the Unnh river, their plans for the day washing away in the drops. So they’d strewn some blankets and pillows on the living room floor and spent the day telling Shara stories, watching her watch movies, her constant wonder so much more interesting than whatever had been on the screen. 

He glances at the watch he hadn’t bothered to change from their home time. It’s late morning, nearing noon. Finn’s probably busy. Shara may or may not be up, depending on when she woke up, but for all he knows Finn could be having a nap too. They could be out or visiting with someone. He flicks the communication channel on anyway.

A soft blue glow fills the cockpit as the window lights up, the taps of the keys echoing in the silent space as he punches in the code for their home.

He shifts in his seat, the screen a steady, lifeless blue. Finn must be busy.

He sighs. The screen flickers just as he moves to shut it off, a muffled curse filling the cockpit. 

“Finn?” He blinks and tries to make sense of the blurred screen. “Finn?”

“Yeah, hey, hi - sorry,” Finn comes into focus, Shara resting against his shoulder with half a hand in her mouth. “We just woke up from a nap, I thought the ringing was from my dream.”

Breath caught in his chest, he stares at his family, utterly captivated as Finn rubs at his eye. “That’s - that’s okay, how are you guys?”

“We’re good,” Finn smiles, warm like sun on his skin even in the unnatural hues. He lifts Shara up and shifts so she faces the camera more. “Say hi to daddy, Shara.”

Shara blinks at the camera. “Da?”

“Hi baby,” He waves at them, swallowing hard. “I love you so much.”

“Da!” Shara laughs, a burst of brightness that rushes through him. She leans forward in Finn’s arms and reaches for him, her tiny eyebrows furrowing when the holo gives way to nothing under her hands.

“I’m gonna be home soon, okay? Just a few more hours.” He takes a deep breath, imagines the gentle scent of her baby shampoo, her curls under his fingers. “Then I’m gonna hug you and never let go.”

Shara laughs as she moves her arm around the holo, her smile flashing from behind the chubby limb that takes up most of the screen, her dark eyes looking at him. Looking through him.

He can feel every inch of space between them.

“Poe? Are you crying?”

“No,” He blinks. The console is blurry now too, something wet travelling down his cheeks. When did that happen? “Yes?”

Finn frowns but Shara starts babbling when he opens his mouth, pulling his gaze and attention to her for a moment.

He wipes the back of his hand over his cheeks and sniffs, a weight pressing against his chest as he watches Finn press a kiss to Shara’s head. “I’m just tired.” He bites his lip. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too. We both do,” Finn smiles at him. His wedding ring glints as he adjusts his hold on their daughter. “Did I tell you she’s starting to crawl?”

“What?”

“Kind of - she hasn’t totally figured it out yet.” Finn looks down at Shara, smiling when she grabs at his chin. “She’s getting there, though. She got a few feet away from me yesterday. She was so proud of herself - I took a video, so you can see it when you get home - wait, you are coming home on time, right? Is that why you called?”

“No, no, we should be on time. I just wanted to see your face.” He squeezes the armrest. “Uh, I should get some work done, but - I’ll see you soon, yeah?"

For a long moment Finn just watches him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, course.” He attempts a smile. “I love you.”

“Love you so much, Poe.” Finn waves, Shara slowly copying him as she watches his fingers move. “We’ll see you soon.”

He shuts the holo off. Finn and Shara freeze, the bright blue fading into the endless nothing of space once more.

Shara’s learning to crawl. His daughter is learning to crawl and he’s sitting in a metal bucket half a galaxy away.

He squeezes his eyes shut.  The image is burnt into his corneas, Finn and Shara projected onto his eyelids, smiling, wrapped up in each other, completely untouchable. He really didn’t think it would be this hard.

They may not be in the middle of a war anymore but - there are still so many people that need help, need a hand for even a chance to recover. It’ll take a long time to get the galaxy close to where it was before the First Order got their claws in it but what would it say of the resistance if they quit as soon as the surrender had been finalized? 

He still has a duty. To Leia, to the galaxy. But - he has a duty to his daughter, too. To Finn. He’d made a promise to Finn.

A small part of him had always held it against his parents. He loved them, of course he did, but going back and forth between his home and his grandparents, watching his parents take off again and again, not knowing when they’ll be back - it left a mark. He always told himself he’d be different. He’d be better.

Yet here he is. In the dead of space, shuttling strangers to their new homes.

It’s an important job. It didn’t call for an experienced pilot - for a general to be running the mission - for no reason. But does it have to be him?

Is it more admirable to sacrifice his personal life and time with his family for this or to live as well as he can  _ starting _ with them?

Does it even matter?

He thought he could find a balance, something that could give him enough time with his family and still allow him to be a part of this - to keep flying - at the same time. He’d promised Finn - he promised  _ himself _ \- that he would. But this job is always going to demand just a bit more from him. He doesn’t want to become Leia.

She is one of the strongest people he’s ever met but - she’s given everything to the galaxy. She’s lost her entire family, so many friends. Every cell in her body, every beat of her heart keeps steady in the name of this cause.

He doesn’t want that. Not anymore. He has a husband and a baby and he can’t imagine accepting anything less than a lifetime with them.

He wants to see his kid grow up. 

 

\--

 

An eternity later, touchdown finally comes. 

He rushes through the usual procedures and leaves before the cabin’s been cleaned, a weak apology to the crew falling from his lips as he jumps onto the tarmac. The passengers are already with the ground contact, waiting to begin this new chapter of their lives. Seeing families smiling, hugging, young children running around, trying to explore what could be their new home planet - it’s the best part of this job.

Still, he keeps a good pace going through the port. He moves as fast as he can without looking like he’s in a rush, the humid air that almost knocks him over a welcome change from the stale, recycled air on the ship. He grins when he spots their old landspeeder in the small lot and tries to catch a glimpse of movement as he gets closer.

“Poe!”

He stops in his tracks and spins to find Finn standing on the sidewalk, one hand on their stroller.

He drops his bags and runs, doesn’t stop until Finn is in his arms. Finn’s hair scratches his ear, Finn’s breath warm against his neck, Finn’s hands on his waist.

He’s home.

He slides his hands along Finn’s shoulders and cups his jaw, kissing him hello. Finn smiles against his mouth, pulling him closer. He breathes Finn in, holds him tight, never wants to let go. Except - “Where’s my baby?”

Shara tries to reach for him, stretching her tiny arms up and grunting when the straps pull at her. He unbuckles it quickly and scoops her up, bringing her up to his chest and nuzzling her head. Shutting his eyes, he takes a deep breath and kisses Shara’s forehead. The soft scent of her baby shampoo fills his lungs, soothes his nerves as her curls brush his nose. “Hi baby,”

Shara babbles against his shoulder and pulls at his flight suit with her tiny, powerful fists. There’s already a small patch of drool on his shoulder.

“I missed you so much, baby Shara.” He lifts her higher and kisses her chubby cheeks, her wide nose. She laughs, the bright notes a soothing balm. She pats his cheeks, running her open palms over the scratchy hair. “Did you miss me?”

Shara babbles against his jaw. Finn runs a hand down Poe’s back, frowning when Poe looks over at him. “Was your trip okay? Did something happen?”

“No, it was -” Shara sticks two fingers in his mouth, completely oblivious to his teeth. He pulls her hand away and smiles at her, ignoring the wet fingers that come to rest against his chin. “Yeah, that’s my mouth, sweetie.”

Shara gurgles, patting his cheek with her dry hand.

“It was -”

Shara puts her fingers in his mouth again. He pauses and looks at his infant daughter, at the curiosity on her face as she feels the space between his teeth and lip.

She’s amazing.

She looks up at him with the kind of confidence only a six month old would have with their hand in someone else’s mouth. He grins, opening his mouth for her. Shara falls into his trap and presses her fingers against the edge of his teeth. Carefully, he closes his mouth, humming as he pretends to chew on her fingers.

Shara shrieks, laughing and pushing at his nose as she tries to pull her hand away. He lets go of her, almost able to see the cogs turning behind her eyes.

She raises her hand again, her gaze dropping to his mouth. He keeps it slack as she approaches, almost ruining his own plan when he looks over at Finn and sees him failing to repress a smile, crows feet lining the corners of his gorgeous eyes. 

He turns back to Shara and takes a deep breath to calm himself. She touches his mouth again, her own mouth hanging open when she pulls at his top lip. He bides his time until she hooks a finger over his teeth and pretends to bite her again. She squeals, shrieking with giggles right against his ear as he pulls her closer and pretends to chew up her arm, nipping at her cheek with a low growl.

Shara shrieks again, her hand ending up back on his lip when she tries to push him away.

“You’re gonna give her a bad habit.”

He looks over at his husband, the warmth in his husband’s features radiating through him. “I haf no idea whad you’re dalking aboud.”

Finn shakes his head, his soft laugh joining in with Shara’s. “I’m glad you’re back.”

He takes Shara’s arm and pulls it back, leaning into Finn’s touch as he kisses Shara’s brow. “Let’s go home.”

 

—

 

It takes about five minutes of being at home for him to know he’s made the right call.

He takes a quick shower to get the just-spent-a-week-in-space smell off him, luxuriating in the shower just big enough to very carefully fit two adults into, the hint of sunlight streaming in through the small window, the two toothbrushes sitting in the cup next to the sink. 

He devotes approximately 75 seconds to unpacking, most of which is spent throwing clothes directly into the laundry basket. He returns the holos to their spots on his desk and pulls a pair of boxers and one of Finn’s t-shirts on, padding into the kitchen. 

“She’s been talking about you nonstop.” Finn grins at him over his shoulder, stirring whatever he has going on the stove. “She missed you.”

“I missed her too.” He pulls Shara out of her high chair and kisses her forehead. With his daughter tucked snug against his side he steps behind Finn and wraps his free arm around Finn’s waist. “And you.”

Finn covers Poe’s hand with his own. “I missed you too.”

He brushes his nose against the nape of Finn’s neck, presses kisses along his shoulder. “I missed you so much.”

“Do you know when you’ll be leaving again?”

Finn’s words are soft, carefully relaxed in a way that would fool anyone other than Poe. He rubs his cheek against Finn’s shoulder. “I’m not.”

Finn freezes. “What?”

“I’m not going to fly these missions anymore.” He lets Finn pull his hand away and turn to face him, his breath caught in his throat at Finn’s expression. “I can’t be gone for that long, not when you two are here.”

Finn bites his lip, searching his gaze. “You know I support you no matter what.”

“I know.” He nods. He puts his hand on Finn’s arm, needs to feel his warmth. “But when you told me Shara was starting to crawl I couldn’t stop thinking about why I was missing it and what else I might miss too.”

Finn stares at him until the oven timer goes off. He jumps, spinning to shut it off, and takes two plates from the cabinet. “You love flying. Stars help me, but it’s in your blood. It’ll probably be in hers too.”

He looks down at where Shara is mouthing at his shirt. “I love you guys more.”

Finn gets some cutlery and moves the plates to their small table. “Do you know what you’re going to do?”

He shakes his head as he puts Shara back in her high chair. “I need to talk with Leia tomorrow, but there’s a few options. Probably something more administrative, unfortunately.”

He pulls his chair out but before he can Finn tugs him back and cups his face, kissing him. He melts under Finn’s touch, wrapping his arms around Finn’s waist, sneaking his fingertips under Finn’s shirt. 

Finn kisses the corner of his mouth, nuzzling his cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” He drags his hands up Finn’s sides, grinning at his husband. “You’re stuck with me forever.”

Finn hums. “I can accept that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Finn kisses him, a soft brush of lips. “You’re pretty cute. But eat up, I spent a lot of time on this, don’t want it to get cold.”

He steals one last kiss before he sits down. Finn smiles at him as they begin to eat, their infant daughter between them, watching her parents.

This is where he belongs.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
